Today I had to do one of the hardest things one has to do as an adult: cut off a bad friend.
Unfortunately I had to find out by living with this person that she was a bad friend. It got to the point that my feelings for her were souring. I didn't want to spend much time in the house with her. I was getting frustrated by her lack of help with household chores. I was realising that she drank excessively, which the drinking itself didn't bother me as much as the fact that the money she spent on booze could have gone to cleaning supplies, dishes, more furnishings or even better cable channels. She spent time in the house either sleeping off her drunkenness or coming in at all hours with others in tow and drinking until she passed out. And her room looked like a bomb went off in there!! (Not to mention that it smelled.) Now, I have never hid the fact that I like to hang and drink and can drink a lot, but in contrast to the bad friend, I was getting things done. My bills were paid, my room was clean, I was the only one cleaning the house, I made appointments and kept them, I was always on time for work. I budgeted my money so that I could hang, but still handled my expenses. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these things to make myself look better than the bad friend, I am pointing out the place where I am in my life, and that we aren't at that same place, so it has become clear she is not the friend for me.
It has always been my contention that once you feel that a friend is causing you more negative energy than positive, it is time to end the relationship. Sometimes it is hard to see that you and the bad friend are not on the same page, because you tend to try to stick to the friendship. No one wants to be the bad guy, telling someone they're a bad friend, right? And a lot of us don't really take care of our own needs as well a we should, thus letting a bad relationship drag on and on, not even realising that we could possibly be causing our own stress.
I remember one day in my later twenties sitting down wondering why some things in my life just didn't feel right. I wondered why at such a young age I was feeling more stress than I thought I should be. And I realised what it was: DRAMA. It seemed that I had probably a handful or so of friends that every time we hung out, there was drama!! Fights with crappy boy/girlfriends, constant complaining about work, excessive drinking, stagnant goals, repetitive unhealthy behaviors. And I was getting sucked into a lot of these problems that as a friend I thought I had to shoulder.
That's when I realised that friendship works two ways. If the bad friend is feeding off of your positive energy and not feeding you any back, it's time to cut them off. Nice and clean. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way, but once it has to be done, it must be made clear to the bad friend that the end is the end. Or at least until they break out of the unhealthy behavior and are able to reciprocate positivity. And even though it is clear that the bad friendship is over, it still sucks. I feel bad that I had to let it go, because I value friendships, but I was not feeling very positive about being associated with that person. Tomorrow, I'll feel even better, and yet better than that the next day. Life goes on...
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